Unbelievable Email

I don’t know if this counts, but just to share it will make me feel better. Recently I broke up with the world’s clingiest man, and predictably he wasn’t happy. In the meantime, I’d taken up nude modeling – I liked doing it, it was fun, and it paid the bills not covered by my minimum wage food service job. What he did, rather than just accept it and move on, was hack into my e-mail account and forward all my correspondences with the photographer I worked with to a whole host of people in my address book, including both my parents and my former manager. I just thank God that he didn’t find my landlord or current manager in there. Anyway, the reaction from my parents was atomic, but beyond that *I* felt completely violated and unsafe. It was like I was wearing a wire for a month after that – I wouldn’t say shit about my life in e-mails or Facebook messages.
I still feel violated. Worst of all, my local police department was too slow on helping me out, so I don’t have the legal proof I need that it was him. He, obviously, denies it vehemently. I feel unsafe and horrible. Whether this counts as sexual harassment or not, it felt like…I don’t know, like emotional terrorism. He set out to humiliate me for really no good reason.

Submitted by Anonymous on 7/29/2010

Location: In my  Home

Time of Harassment: Late Night (12A-5A)

***While this is not public sexual harassment it is a form of abuse and we feel like the poster could use some advice from community members.

Do you have a personal experience with gender-based public sexual harassment or assault you would like to submit? Just click here and fill out the online submission form. All submissions are posted anonymously unless you specify


6 responses to “Unbelievable Email

  1. Golden Silence

    Oh, my goodness! I am beyond sorry that that happened to you.

    Whether this counts as sexual harassment or not, it felt like…I don’t know, like emotional terrorism.

    I strongly feel this counts as harassment. And it’s not only emotional terrorism, it’s mental too!

    This guy is a sick freak who knows how worthless he is, and this is his sad way of getting power over you. I hope the police steps up to the plate more and gets the job done. A much-needed restraining order needs to be issued!

  2. I’m so, so sorry that this happened to you. He’s a piece of shit (excuse my profanity, but he doesn’t deserve to be regarded with any politeness) and I’m glad that you got away from such a possessive chode.

    The law really needs to catch up with this kind of crime (and it *is* a crime). The exponential increase in the last few years of this type of behavior – whether it be releasing a sex tape against someone’s will, or revealing other private info about someone’s personal life – is alarming at best and an indication of rampant rape culture at worst. I don’t mean to mitigate rape by making this comparison – I’m simply saying that the mentality behind what he and other men do by revealing such an intimate part of someone’s life is very, very close to that of someone actually willing to go out and rape: it’s a form of humiliation and control rendered against a woman as punishment. Plain and simple. They justify it in their heads with any number of warped reasons, but the sought result is the same, and unfortunately it’s what you’re experiencing now – shame, embarrassment, and a sense of violation. The fact that this has become commonplace is terrifying to me.

    I really hope that your relationship with your parents isn’t permanently damaged by this. I don’t believe in karma, but he’ll get what’s coming to him – the way you described this guy convinces me that he’ll end up in prison at some point, even if it’s not for this. Please persue any avenue you may have available to you with the police. Even if it goes nowhere, there’s at least a record of his behavior when he decides to punish the next unfortunate woman.

  3. It most definitely is harassment. I am sorry you had to go through this. Thanks for sharing your story and I hope things get better.

  4. :HUGS:

    I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’m racking my brain to try and figure out how to help you, and the only thing I can possibly think of is maybe contacting your email provider?

  5. thanks, guys. unfortunately, it’s actually too late to get any proof. we followed the “unusual activity” on my account (the password of which had been changed) to an IP address in Juneau, AK which is incidentally where he, and no one else that I know, lives. we were told that the records would be held for 30 days, which was supposedly “plenty of time” to get a warrant to see them, and then that they’d be erased. the DC police were too slow. so yeah, I’m kind of adrift. but I plan on telling him that I know it was him just so he doesn’t think he got away with it and do something worse.

  6. but I plan on telling him that I know it was him just so he doesn’t think he got away with it and do something worse.

    I’ve read somewhere (I believe in Gavin de Becker’s “The Gift of Fear”) that it’s best NOT to contact a stalker because it just gives them ammunition to keep stalking, but whatever choice you make in handling this, I wish you the best of luck. I hope this gets resolved for you.

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